Dear Band Boy

Dear Band Boy,

You always know how to cheer me up. Even in my dreams.

Dear Band Boy,

You’re done for the summer. You’re done for the first time in a long time. That makes you happy. Which makes me happy.

I hope that you go home and that life is everything you want it to be. 

That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.

Dear Band Boy,

Today we spent the day together with your band and some friends. I talked to you a bit, but I also got closer to one of your bandmates. It was a perfect day.

Thank you. Love you. Goodnight.

Dear Band Boy,

I got to see you last night. Best Friend and I drove to another city to see a show. Upon seeing you, you immediately launched into a rant about your girlfriend. Stories of ridiculous fights you two have had because she blames you for something. And these are the dumbest things she’s calling out.

I didn’t want to say this to you, but it sounds like she’s starting fights to push you away. My first ex did this. He picked fights and always turned the blame on me. I tried so hard to make it up to him for things I thought I had done wrong. But nothing was ever enough and it was all falling apart. In the end, I saw that he was picking fights and driving me away because he wanted out but didn’t have the courage to say so. I hear all this in your stories.

I hate this. I was expecting to come to the show and hear you gush about how great she made you feel and how in love you were. Instead you’re confused and just plain sad about it all. You couldn’t get past it to have a good night.

I just want you to be happy. That’s all.

Meet Blues.

So this is the new guy you’ve all been hearing about. 

I’ve known Blues for a couple years now. We knew each other in high school through a club we both did in separate cities. We were friends, but not very close. When we graduated high school, we ended up at the same college and at the same housing. So this whole past year we’ve lived in the same place. While I was still with my ex, we grew pretty close, having a sort of best friends relationship. Over this past year, we’ve been really good friends. 

Recently, he and I started kind of cuddling up while watching tv shows. That’s where it started. At first I didn’t think anything of it. We were just hanging out, the same as always. We started going to swing dance and blues dance together a lot. There was a little bit of something there in the blues dancing that wasn’t there with anyone else. When we went to the blues party, we fell asleep cuddled up on the floor together.

This past Thursday night, we were cuddling on the couch and watching a movie like normal. “Hey, I’d really like to kiss you right now. Can I?” he said. “I don’t think that would be such a good idea,” I replied. I was just thinking about how we live together, and how I didn’t know exactly what he was wanting, and about the fact that my ex asked me specifically not to get involved with him. I said no and then I sat there for the rest of the movie wondering how I could make it right and how I could kiss him. 

Because I wanted to.

He had fallen asleep, but when the movie ended he woke up. He just looked at me silently. He started brushing my hair back off my face. Tracing the lines of my eyebrows and my jaw with his fingertips. Finally, saying nothing, he just pulled me closer to him and we started kissing. 

So now things are different. But good. But also not good. He was going to come live in my city for the summer. We were going to have the chance to start something away from everyone we both know. A real chance. But his dad is making him move states away for the summer to live with him and the rest of his family. I understand, but it sucks. It’s frustrating and I feel like I’m losing a chance here.

So yeah, that’s where I’m at.

I really need a name for this guy who kissed me.

I have some text conversations to post.

Hm…. 

GUYS.

Me and Best Friend are going to a theme park with Band Boy’s band.

Hell. Yes.

So this boy I just kissed for the first time the other night?

He’s going away for the summer. States away. And it sucks so much.

I won’t even see him before he leaves.